My Little Miracle

Its been a long time since I have posted, but I wanted to post and let everyone know that my little miracle has made it into the world.  Our little Lyla Mae made her appearance on October 31, 2012.  My life will forever be changed since that moment on.  She is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on. i can hardly look at her without a tear coming to my eye.
The purpose of this post is to show all those women with endometriosis, that sometimes things do work out and hope should never be lost.  As shown in my previous posts becoming a mother was a huge concern for me.  There was nothing in this world that meant as much to me.  My whole life, I always had a feeling like i was meant to be a mom.  When I thought that becoming a Mom, might never be a reality, it tore me up inside.  I felt lost.  I really didn't feel like I had a purpose in this life.
My purpose has now been restored, and God had answered all of my prayers. My life has forever changed and I will never take the gift that God gave me granted.  She has brought so much love and beauty into my life.  I am forever grateful to my Doctor, family, God, and my significant other for the support.

Things are looking up.....

So I haven't posted on here in awhile, and I definitely think it time for a little update.  My last post talked about having some blood work done to test my pituitary and thyroid. Good news, they came back normal.  Yay me!!  Well that isn't the end to my good news, I found out that I am expecting!!  I don't know how to express how I feel right now.  Happy, relieved, excited,blessed.  I feel like for the first time in a very long time, that things are actually going to work out.  For those who do not have the disease, they really don't understand the magnitude of the news.  I have been to my Doctor, and I think he was just as excited as I was!!  I have said it before and I will say it again.  I love my Doctor and feel very blessed that God brought him into my life. I have him to thank for everything, and because of him, I can actually say I'm going to be a Mom, and it feels so good to say that.  I cannot wait to meet my little blessing in November, and I hope and pray for a healthy pregnancy.

Lupron Is Done, But is it the end....

I finished all of the Lupron injections!!! My last appointment with my doctor was on December 5th.  During this appointment, He told me that my body should start kicking back into gear by the middle of December and after the first period  I could start trying for a baby which would be around the New Year.  Well, here it is the middle of January and still no period.  So today, I called my Dr. just to make sure that this was normal.  He called back shortly and decided to put me on medication to induce a period.  I had them call in the prescription to the pharmacy.

While at the pharmacy, I get another phone call from the Dr.'s office.  This time telling me that they think it might be a good idea to check my pituitary and thyroid function.  Evidently, the two glands can play a major part in conceiving and having a healthy pregnancy.  Even though, I am a nurse this never crossed my mind that possible something else could be wrong. i was just thinking okay my body is just taking a little longer than normal to kick back in.  So he is sending me the physicians order to get the blood work done to check my thyroid and pituitary. Hopefully, very soon I will know what in the world is going on with me and get my life back to order.  

I am trying very hard to be optimistic right now, but it just seems like it is never ending!!  I was looking so forward to feeling like normal again!!  Well, hopefully in another week or so, I will have the results of the blood work and I will have some answers....only time will tell.

Babies, Babies, and no babies

My brother and his girlfriend just had their first daughter this summer, and most of my friends have children now. As most women can relate, whenever you go to a baby shower, or family function, everyone with children seems to ask the same question, "when are you going to have kids?".  Before I found out that i had Endometriosis, that question never seemed to bother me, but now, knowing that having children might be difficult, or maybe not even happen at all, that question seems to really hit me emotionally.  I really think it is meant as compliment, as if saying they would think you would be a good parent.  But when I hear those words now, all I can do is fight back the tears.  I am one of those people who all I ever wanted in my life was to be a parent.   

This last month, has been a really emotional time for me.  My sister just announced that she was pregnant with her FOURTH child.  Thats right, I said fourth.  Although I love my nieces and nephews very much, and I am happy to have a new addition to my family, I can't help but feel down about it.  I keep thinking how can God give her four children, when I might not even get to experience being a parent at all.  When my sister told me about her pregnancy she actually said the words "and it only took me two months of trying."  Out of all people to say that to, why me?  And out of all people to say it, Why my sister?  She knows that I have this disease, Was she trying to hurt my feelings?  Why is God throwing the pregnancy issue right in my face?  All these questions hit me like a ton of bricks.

I don't know if what I am feeling is jealousy, selfishness, or if I am just trying to compete with my sister, but I know whatever it may be, it hurts.  It hurts to see everyone around me being able to celebrate holidays with their children, and knowing that I might not ever get to feel that joy.  It hurts when people ask me when i am going to have kids, because the answer is I might not get the opportunity.  It hurts to know that my dream of a family might never come true.  

I have come to realize that only God knows what is going to happen to me. Only God can comfort me, when I am feeling vulnerable.  Only God has the ability to give me the great joy and honor of being a mother.   Only God knows the plan for my life.  So, I am going to put my trust in him, and letting him guide me through this. I am going to put my faith in him, because it gives me comfort to know that I am in his hands, and that he knows what is best for me.  He is my answer.

Lupron is almost done!!

I have just finished receiving my fourth Lupron shot today!!! I have never before every NOT wanted to take something that was going to make me better.  This medication has been a trip to say the least.  I can not wait for the next two months to get here and gone.  I just want to feel like me again.  I am not even sure what "me" feels like anymore to be honest.  Injection number one made me experience the worst nausea and vomiting I have ever experienced in my life.  About a week before injection number two I started feeling nauseated again, and had terrible headaches. Injection 1,2, and 3 I have experienced hot flashes, night sweats, chills, nose bleeds, and mood swings.  I am living as a 25 year old in menopause and unlike most people I am going to have to experience it more than once.  I am just praying that I don't have to go through this multiple times and that the next 2 months of injections pass quickly.  Needless to say I am ready to say goodbye to Lupron!!

My Endo Story

For those of you who do not know what endometriosis is I will give you a quick background as to what the basics of the disease is.  Endometriosis is a disease in which endometrial tissue, that normally lines a woman's uterus grows outside of the uterus.  It can cause an array of problems.  The most common of which is PAIN, menstrual irregularities and infertility.  You have noticed that I  put PAIN in bold letters.  That is because this was likely my first symptom, that I ignored.  I was in nursing school when the pain first started and I wrote it off as being under stress, and related to ovulating or my periods.  I never thought that the pain was that bad, but after talking to other women about it, I have decided that Endometriosis can cause a more severe pain than what I have experienced personally. 

Okay, now back to my story,  I believe my problem first started in Summer 2010.  I was at work (waitressing) when i had such an intense pain that I seriously was doubled over scared to move.  I honestly thought that maybe  I was experiencing an ectopic pregnancy.  The pain was that severe.  However, that pain went away after an hour or so.  So I thought pain is gone why worry about.  I experienced theses little "episodes" once a twice a month, and like I said earlier I contributed it to stress.  

In January 2011, I missed a period, so naturally I think, "I'm pregnant".  So I took about 4 tests and decided okay its just stress.  I did not end up getting a period until the last week of February.  Then March rolled around and the same situation happened again, and then again in April.  After taking about $200 in pregnancy tests.  My mother and sister talked me into going to The Doctor. I called and scheduled an appointment with the Physicians Assistant in April 2011.  

So my appointment roles around and I tell her what I was experiencing, and of course she is thinking I was pregnant as well. So I took a urine test and it was negative.  I took a blood test and it was negative.  So she schedules me for an ultrasound  the next day.  I go in the next day for an ultrasound and the tech legally can't tell me if there was anything abnormal so I didn't even ask him there was.  However, he did ask me if hurt when he poked around on my left side, and I said no, but it hurt on my right side.  So I left this appointment knowing that there was something out of the ordinary.

The following Monday, I get a call from the PA letting me know my results of the ultrasound.  They tell me that they found a mass on my left ovary, and that I was being referred to another Doctor.  At this time i have freaking out thinking that I might possibly have cancer or something.  So I call my friend who is an ultrasound tech and she reassured me that word "mass"  does not mean cancer.  Thank God for friends!!  I then scheduled my first appointment with the Doctor.

My first appointment with the Doctor came by, and he reviewed my ultrasound with me and was very thorough with all the possibilities that it may be.  I together with my Doctor decided that surgery was needed to remove this mass that was attached to my left ovary.  So a month later we scheduled my surgery.

May 26, 2011, was the day of surgery.  My doctor informed me that they were going to try to remove the mass laprascopically, but there was a possibility of having to have a laparotomy. When I came out surgery, the Doctor explained to me what they had found.  He said that I had endometriosis, and he used the words "You were a mess inside."  He explained that they removed my ovary and fallopian tube and the mass was attached to my bowel and uterus as well.  He said that laprascopic surgery was out of the question, and I had to have a  laparotomy.  However, I was still confused as to why my pain was on the right side, and well the answer was nature isn't always textbook when it comes to things like this.  He talked me through everything, what treatments I would have to go through, and the issues that I would have with fertility.  He let me make the decision if I wanted to try a drug called Lupron.  Lupron shrinks the endometrial tissue and helps relieve the pain,. However, it puts your body in menopause, and with that comes all the wonderful hormonal changes that come with it.   I made the decision to do the Lupron.

So that brings me to the current date, I am now halfway through the Lupron treatments.  Let me tell you, its been a heck of ride.   I have experienced hot flashes, nausea, vomiting, night sweats, and emotions like no other.  I am halfway through and I am feeling better, I am seeing that light at the end of the tunnel.  But, that light doesn't escape the fact that I can possibly have trouble conceiving, and that there really isn't a "cure for endometriosis.  It can be an emotional roller coaster for any woman that has to deal with this disease.  When a woman's reproductive organs are under assault, it can be a touchy subject.  So I ask people to just be aware of the things that your body is trying to tell you.  Sometimes its not just "stress" so seek help and pay attention to the signs.  I am thankful to have a wonderful family that "makes" me seek help, and wonderful Doctor and Pastor that is by my side.